A gift to transformation

After having been down for the day I felt like writing something unconventional to this blog to remind myself of the fact that I still have hidden sources. So is the way I feel when I write in English. Sometimes it is the way to express my honest feelings, sometimes the contrary. This time rather something honest that reassures me that I can be free to say what I need to. I'll keep the reason for that to myself.
I hope that even the hard moments can help me find the thing for which I've come. I wouldn't say that I know what it is. I've realized that all the time I've had the expectations of discovering things in the world but now I must say that most of this discovery has been inside. And yet, every day there's something new to come. While having only myself to turn to I need to face the thoughest emotional challenges ever. No parents, no friends involved. But will it ever make sense?
Before my journey I had been told that among my missions in life I'll have to help and heal people and this is the true thing that I want. But sometimes I need help, too. Every time when I meet someone I feel like I have something to give. But where is the hidden source from which all this comes? Is it possible at all to help others while I feel helpless? Or is it only my mind that tricks me by making me believe that I'm helpless? At least, every crisis helps me to ask myself questions that wouldn't be asked otherwise. And in every question there is also a statement..